Getting Your Ducks in a Row

 

Today I understand better the saying: "Getting All My Ducks in a Row"

 

Ever felt like your head is full of ducks.....so many different critters all quacking for your attention while you are trying to figure out your life. Nothing makes sense, and you are fighting for survival?

 

 

Maybe it's time to let some of these thoughts out.

 

My week: a client, who is almost 80, came in with his 24 year-old girlfriend. He is very deaf, and she is a skinny-as-a-rail former meth-head mother of three. They have been together since his wife died, and he seems unconcerned that she has had 3 kids in the interim. He is so concerned about her "lisbean" friend coming to the house and getting between them that he is yelling it all over the courthouse lobby and she is shaking her head in embarrassment and maybe even a little pride.

This was the same day I counseled someone whose boyfriend had punched her numerous times in the head, but she still "loves him"; someone else who has been swindled out of many thousands and is so distressed over losing her life savings; someone else who was attacked by her doctor; and someone who was kidnapped and attacked by 3 men; and someone who sat in my office a month ago is now dead.

 

 

This has been my life for the last year, not including the heartbreaking stories of the children who have been abused by step-family members, or even their own parents. And don't get me started on the people who lie to me every day.

 

In the meantime, while I hope I am making a difference somewhere, somehow, the grant that funds my position gets dwindled down to 1/6 of what it was....hmmm...what does that mean? I do not know.

 

My brain is tumbling with a million different thoughts....Maybe I just need to make some room for all the other things that are likely to come my way today and this week, this month, this year! My ducks are not all in a row yet, but just thinking of it in that way has helped.  Quack, quack....

 

 

 

 

How to REALLY find your bliss....7 ways I try to do that.

Interesting that the most readers I had on any one blog was titled, How to Find Your Bliss...in a really Tough Job. In re-reading my blog, I realized that I had not addressed the issue of my topic.

Where is my bliss?

 

So much of all work is repetitive, and so much is unfulfilling, but just needs to be done. Scut work we used to call it in the hospital. Some days the clock seems to stand still, and my eyes are bleary from looking at the computer screen. Some days my left ear is hot from not only holding the phone, but maybe from the words coming through it. Some days I am running back and forth, up and down, from courtroom to prosecutor's office, meeting people in my office, in the law library, in the court room.

 

So with all the hurting victims I deal with every day, how do I find bliss in a tough job?

 

1. First and foremost, I care. I care about the people for whom I have been asked to advocate in this job of victim advocate, but I care in whatever job I do. I cared about how the motorcycle dealership looked, operated and how it took care of its customers. I cared about the 60,000 families our program fed in Zambia. I cared about my patients when I operated LifeLine Therapy Clinic. I work with someone who does not care and admits that. While he is a fun person, is always good to talk to, my work is often harder because he does not care.

In this job, if I did not care, I would not be true to my faith that asks me to take care of hurting people.
Matthew 25:34-40, Jesus is talking to his disciples about why they should help others:
"Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

Then those people are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me."

 

If I did not care, I would not be true to who I am as a human being, looking beyond my own selfish world and give a hand up to someone who is often calling for that hand. It is too easy to ignore the cries of others.

 

2. While this might seem like an opposite to the above "first and foremost", I take mini-vacations. 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there. To either read an email, or shut my eyes and go to my "happy spot", or if no one else is in the office, get up and dance for a couple of minutes. I have a 200 song playlist of songs I really like in Spotify.com and I play my favorite tunes when not on phone or with a client. I have an energizing playlist and a relaxing playlist. Sometimes, I deliver the letters I write to victims one at a time to the main office mailbag on the third floor, get up, run up the 30 steps, just to get the blood flowing.

 

3. I talk about my work with a colleague. She, starting here after me, is bright, capable, and knows the work I do. She appreciates what I do to help her, and she knows that sometimes this work is overwhelming. We can commiserate about the progress or outcome of cases and help each other not to get overwhelmed.

 

4. I shake my work off like a cloak when I leave the office. I do not worry or fret about my clients - or very rarely after I drive away from the courthouse. There are enough other things to fret and worry about when I get home. My clients' stories do not keep me awake at night because I do not let them. I have prayed for many a client during the day on a mini-vay-cay but I have asked God to protect my mind from their hurts, angers, and anguish after I leave my office, and He has honored that request.

 

5. I have a husband who gives exceptionally good hugs. His arms know just when to envelope me and give me a safe place in this world. So when I do come home exhausted, his hugs refresh and center me.

 

6. I like to eat and that paycheck sure helps. So, when on the last day of the month, I see the number appear in my bank account that will pay the bills, the hard work feels worth it. I feel a little satisfaction in knowing that I am making a decent contribution to our household.

 

7. I take time to travel. Often to interesting and sometimes exotic places....like riding a motorcycle through Morocco, like living in a rural village in Malawi, like the Canadian prairies, as often as I can. I shop at thrift shops, have not done any much-needed remodeling on my house, and cut down on everything I can in order to travel as much as possible. Traveling gets me out of my comfort zone, out of my small thinking, so that I can expand my mind, use my inner resources and become a "bigger" person. Is this paid vacation time? Heck, no. And I don't work, I don't get paid....but that time away is so very refreshing and I come back better and stronger, having aired out the cobwebs in my mind.

 

So that's how I find my bliss...how about you?

 

 

How to find your bliss.....in really tough work.

There have been better days......

I thought I was going to hire two interns. Well, I actually did hire them on Friday. Two delightful intelligent young college students came to my office last week. I was impressed with them. By Monday noon of this week, one left in tears, the other said after reading a brochure on domestic violence that she was not the right person for this work, and she left too.

The truth of it is that my work deals with hurting people every single day. It is not easy work, rarely joyful work and sometimes I want to leave in tears too. My work as a Victim Advocate means that I speak for and work with victims of crime....crimes as simple as a theft or as complex as domestic assault, child abuse or even murder. 

I read an interesting quote by a poet recently: "You think an artist's job is to speak the truth. I think an artist's job is to captivate you for however long we've asked for your attention. If we stumble on the truth, we got lucky. I don't get to decide what truth is. I write poetry and that's how I enter the world."

I don't get to force people to make the right decisions for their lives. But if they give me the attention I ask for through my work, we might stumble on the truth for their future together. They have to acknowledge the truth of their lives....that they are perhaps staying with a man that is abusing them and they are staying for many different reasons: they need his paycheck, they think they will be lonely, they have children together, they do not know any other way of life. If I can look in their eyes, and if I can convey to them the love of God through that connection, sometimes they stumble on the truth: that there are options....they can leave the abuse for something better...scary, different, but maybe better. 

I don't blame the interns for leaving. For not starting. 

I wonder what truth they stumbled on?