Getting Your Ducks in a Row

 

Today I understand better the saying: "Getting All My Ducks in a Row"

 

Ever felt like your head is full of ducks.....so many different critters all quacking for your attention while you are trying to figure out your life. Nothing makes sense, and you are fighting for survival?

 

 

Maybe it's time to let some of these thoughts out.

 

My week: a client, who is almost 80, came in with his 24 year-old girlfriend. He is very deaf, and she is a skinny-as-a-rail former meth-head mother of three. They have been together since his wife died, and he seems unconcerned that she has had 3 kids in the interim. He is so concerned about her "lisbean" friend coming to the house and getting between them that he is yelling it all over the courthouse lobby and she is shaking her head in embarrassment and maybe even a little pride.

This was the same day I counseled someone whose boyfriend had punched her numerous times in the head, but she still "loves him"; someone else who has been swindled out of many thousands and is so distressed over losing her life savings; someone else who was attacked by her doctor; and someone who was kidnapped and attacked by 3 men; and someone who sat in my office a month ago is now dead.

 

 

This has been my life for the last year, not including the heartbreaking stories of the children who have been abused by step-family members, or even their own parents. And don't get me started on the people who lie to me every day.

 

In the meantime, while I hope I am making a difference somewhere, somehow, the grant that funds my position gets dwindled down to 1/6 of what it was....hmmm...what does that mean? I do not know.

 

My brain is tumbling with a million different thoughts....Maybe I just need to make some room for all the other things that are likely to come my way today and this week, this month, this year! My ducks are not all in a row yet, but just thinking of it in that way has helped.  Quack, quack....

 

 

 

 

Shining a little Light into Darkness

Light vs. Darkness

Two friends shared extreme opposite views on their FaceBook status this week. One, a woman whose blog I love and follow, said  "How can light enter the dark if Christians are too afraid of what the dark will do to them?" She was in Asia, seeing the destructive side of darkness personified in the sex-trafficking of girls in Cambodia. She wants to shed light into this darkness. 

The other, a guy who works in a prison and sees darkness everyday, posted a photo that he says looks tame compared to his workplace. Everything about the picture made me think of living in darkness. Grimy people using their middle finger, lying or crawling on the ground like Zombies; it seemed to me to personify the hopelessness I imagine the world might hold for people who have no faith in God and do not live in the Light. 

As a Christian, and as a Victim Advocate in the legal system, I know there is evil in this world. One defendant recently walked out of the courtroom where he was given probation after beating up his girlfriend, and declared, "I just made a deal with the devil." He went on to beat up another man very severely and is now in prison for the next 7 years. Some deal. John 3:19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

I appreciate the fight against darkness that Jamie (FB: Jamie the very worst missionary) and so many others are in thick of, often standing toe to toe with evil on a line in the sand. That is why I am doing the job I have (in spite of low pay and few perks) as a Victim Advocate. Every morning as I drive to work, I pray...for not only the victims of crime that I spend time with, but also that the whole armor of God protects my heart and my mind in the hearing of how often children and women and men are treated by other human beings in a ways that make your stomach turn and your eyes want to weep. I do it because I also strongly believe in the power of The LIGHT. John 8:12 Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” Jesus is the light in the darkness. 

Ephesians 6:10-12: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

The only way we can fight the fight is covered with the armor of God. There are a lot of pieces to this "armor". Ephesians 6:13-19: Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel. 

The good news is that we can make a difference. John 1:5 The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The darkness does not win. "Evil only happens when good men and women do nothing" as Edmund Burke said. Put on your armor...it's time to fight.

This very minute, I am making a choice.....

CHOICES:
There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
http://t.usnews.com/bC97A

 

 

Choices every single day, life choices, food choices, activity choices. Mostly benign choices, but often life-changing choices. 

 

There is a great book out, called Make Shift Happen by Dean Dyer. Dean Dwyer is a former teacher, who quit his job to accept a more ambitious mission: Could he actually make MAKE SHIFT HAPPEN in his own life? Well, it seems he did...his website is http://kickstartyourunlivedlife.com/ and I like many of his ideas. The book was so good that I took his 20 "shifts" and made my own notebook of those shifts and made them my own.

 

Today, I  make the choice to DO SOMETHING SEISMIC! I am in control of my life .....or am I?

 

My job is dependent on whether or not my grant is renewed. So I can choose whether or not to work for free ......Not! I can always choose to try to find another job. I have to live with the consequences that I am a renaissance woman and have many skills, interests and experience that don't always fit into a cookie-cutter job - which makes it harder to find satisfying work.

 

My husband has made a job choice so he is commuting 100 miles! What choices does that give me? Hmmmm......sometimes we have to live with the consequences of other people's choices too. I chose to deal with his choice without uprooting our residence.

 

I chose my own car for first time in my life last month - made the deal myself too. Hubby says "good choice". It makes me feel good to drive a slight-used Jeep that runs well, instead of settling for the old Jeep that needed new gaskets and was dripping oil, just to "make-do".

 

I do choose what to put in my mouth today...and I take full responsibility for the weight I have gained over the very stressful past year...today I am deciding to stop eating everything in sight. If I do that every day, my skinny clothes that fill half my closet will fit again by September!

 

I choose what to spend my hard-earned money on, whether to buy something for me to look at in my house, or simply pay bills, or send to a struggling school in Zambia.

 

I chose to say Yes to my husband's proposal of marriage, and I choose to love my big imperfect man, who is perfect for me. I would say the most fun we have together is when we are travelling, and share new experiences together. As my son-in-law says to our daughter, "your parents are just gypsies". Could be true.

 

I chose to say Yes to God, when he asked for my heart, and in return He gave me joy. I choose today to live in joy, not despair. I chose to delight in God, the prime directive according to John Piper. More on that later....

 

Every day, millions of choices, including how I spend every minute of every day. We have free will to make those choices, and then have to accept the consequences of each of those choices.

 

I hereby take full and total responsibility for my choices. What about you?

Friends....who needs them? I do.

This week as I drive to and from work each day (18 miles one way) I am listening to Anne Quindlen's book, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. This memoir talks about friends, and specifically girlfriends, and it got me thinking about writing this new blog.

I could blog about a specific topic like some of my favorite bloggers - Jamie: The Very Worst Missionary or Emily: Love Woke Me Up this Morning or Pastor Mark: Thoughts of a Traveler. I could write about one idea or theme that I know something about (which in my never-to-be-humble-opinion could be any number of ideas : ). I could blog about my personal struggles, and hopefully I how I overcame them or at the very least lived through them. How boring would that be? I could blog about art, and my desire to create. I could blog through a cookbook like Julie and Julia, but that has already been done, and besides I love food too much already. I could blog about my travels, and living in other countries, but not everyone can relate to that, although I am sure that I will talk about that occasionally. 

I could blog about the news, and there has been some exciting stuff happening in our neighborhood. Yesterday alone, there was news that Jackie Waller's body had finally been found on some island in Illinois, almost exactly 2 years from the date of her disappearance, and there was a multiple homicide on our street, albeit about 6 or 7 blocks north and across a major intersection. It's a little unsettling to see the news scream: Homicide on West Cape Rock Drive, without giving you a house number to see if you know who it was.

Today I am thinking about friends - how delicate and tenuous some friendships are and how surprisingly strong other friendships are. How sometimes you get to be the needy friend and sometimes you have to be the strong friend. How men and women view friends differently. How I feel the need to have girlfriends, for coffee (tea truthfully), shopping, talking and my husband needs riding buddies. How I choose my friends, and how hard you have to work at friendships sometimes. How even when people get together for a common purpose and you can know them, if they are not involved in your personal life, they are not really "friends".

I am not the easiest friend in the world to have. I know that. I am opinionated, I have too much advice to give, and I have some crazy ideas. On the other hand, I am loyal, I cannot hold a grudge to save my life, and I have some wonderful ideas. And if you are in crisis or need help, I will spring to action faster than Wonder Woman.

There are three women in my life whose friendship has been consistent over time. I treasure them all for different reasons. 1 - K is my oldest friend, and while she has just married for the first time in her 50's, we have had a unique "sisterly" connection for over 25 years. We have walked through many sorrows and many joys. We have cried on each other's shoulders, and laughed ourselves silly with a glasses of wine. I admire her continual sense of wonder. 2 - N became my friend because she was hiding her fabulous paintings in her underwear drawer and she did not realize she had any talent. She is now a true artist in her own right and I proudly hang two of her paintings on my living room wall. I love the creative side of her - she inspires me. 3 - J was my neighbor who moved away and stayed a friend. We got to know each other by walking 3-5 miles almost every day for a few years with our dogs, in any kind of weather, talking and talking and talking. J is the best listener in the world and she remembers everything. She is a challenging friend in the best way; she challenges me to think and to see the world in a way I never have seen it before. Then there is my sister, L, who has become a good friend because of texting. She is a busy professional woman who does not email or FB, but we can talk briefly through a text and stay connected through difficult times. I admire her strength in adversity.

Even with these great friends, none of whom live close to me, I often feel lonely. Men do not seem to need or cultivate these kinds of friendships, or at the very least seem to view friendship as something different that women do. Husbands and wives can be "best friends" but the relationship is different, and truthfully, I know that I talk differently with my girlfriends than I do with my husband. He is my rock, my safe place in this world, and my encourager. I am his lover, his organizer, and his companion. The girlfriends are my balancers, my audience, my supporters and hopefully I am that for them. Three women in my town have become good friends but because of busy schedules, it is hard work getting together. Thank God for texting!

The older I get the more I realize that friends are more important than I dreamed when I was in my 20's and 30's. If you are a woman reading this, and you are young enough to develop lifelong friendships, do so thoughtfully and consciously. If you are a man reading this, recognize that you need friends too. And if anyone needs a new friend, well, leave a comment, you just never know......